I suffer from laborphobia, which I just made that word up but I am not sure how many people know the technical name tocophobia. Now what everyone and everything is saying is that I need to better educate myself on the process of birth so I know what to expect. Um, no in this case I realized that ignorance really is bliss. By that I mean I do not want to be permanently scarred by hearing peoples horror stories while I am pregnant; about how your vagina tour into your asshole and how you shit on the table and your boyfriend had to wipe your ass. No, simply no do not tell me these horrific things because I already have a horrible fear of what I am about to experience. I am already scarred by the video you watch in high school where you see a live birth and the baby popping out of the vajayjay. Since I haven't seen that video since high school I thought I would watch one again to, "better educate myself" and thought maybe I could handle the live birth video better this time. I couldn't finish it and was hyperventilating half way through. Literally thinking of giving birth makes me bawl for hours. I'm freaking out. It's so bad I am considering having an elective c-section. I am so confused and wish that I could erase all the horrors story and things I didn't know could happen and just stuck with the simple, "birth is a beautiful thing" because shit and torn vaginas is not what I think of when I hear of beautiful things. Plus the thought of the epidural being a humungous needle in my back, and not being able to feel my lower half... I cry when I get my blood drawn, and I think that is supposed to be a tiny needle, if that says anything:|
I am so irritated. No matter how many tactics I try to overcome this fear, it's stuck. My advice to anyone looking to get pregnant in the future, is do not listen to others pregnant stories, but then again if you read this you should already be scarred to.
After hours of crying and researching how to overcome this fear, the solution I came up with is to ignore it til it happens, hopefully, out of sight, out of mind.
Also randomly, it annoys me how guys don't get how terrifying labor is, even though some women tell me to calm down too I give them a little more credibility since they have been through it. But guys don't have to do shit but wipe it and try to calm the mom down, which I already have a feeling nothing is going to calm me down anyways. Seriously why can't humans be like seahorses..
Realistically I am going to take a prenatal class to prepare me which I'll write about after I take it, and if that doesn't help I am going with my tactic of removing the L word from my vocabulary til it happens.