Thursday, August 30, 2012


     At 18 weeks 4 days, my body is feeling awesome but is now looking very pregnant. I have gained 11 pounds so far, and it's now no secret that I am expecting. The past week I have also started cosmotology school so I can get my esthetic and nail tech lisence before my little nugget is born. And although I enjoy the program so far, I notice people have a lot to say about pregnant people here; Pregnant B*tches Problems*
     Apparently if you are under the age of 30 you should abort your kid if you get pregnant, or at least that's what I am getting by the way everyone talks about pregnant people around me. I am the youngest person in my cosmotology class, with people ranging from 21-37. Today someone brings up how people are getting pregnant younger and younger nowadays. My instructor decides to jump in with the comment,
      "You know it is so true... I got pregnant at 24 and I still think that's too young. If you haven't experienced the world, how are you supposed to teach it to your child. It is not fair to get pregnant so young."
        A girl joins in who is a mother and explains it is okay for her because she got pregnant at 28.
(By the way, everyone in class knows I am pregnant...)
So let me get this straight, while you place judgment on me about my age you are sitting in the same room as me, going to school for the same thing, but the only difference is, you're old... So how does that make me in a worse situation? I have met 30 year olds who act like 15 year old, actually 50 something year olds (my instuctor) who act like a child so I didn't know that your age is your maturity level, and that at nineteen I am not an adult.
     I can honestly say that this pregnancy is the best thing that has happend to me, I regret nothing. I have quit all my bad habits, stepped up to find an alternative career plan within weeks, and have been job hunting like a mad woman with 3 interviews in 3 weeks. So tell me that I am irresponsible. I don't live in the ghetto and I am not a crackhead sitting on welfare.
      It seems like people feel either bad, angry, or disgusted towards pregnant people, but in reality most people who feel that way, live sad lives themselves. And I am sorry you have to try to make me feel bad about my sitation, but trust me I already am a better mother than you if you feel so negatively about bringing a child in this world. I have nothing but joy and excitement towards my baby.

PS I love you my little nugget <3

Saturday, August 18, 2012


      I suffer from laborphobia, which I just made that word up but I am not sure how many people know the technical name tocophobia. Now what everyone and everything is saying is that I need to better educate myself on the process of birth so I know what to expect. Um, no in this case I realized that ignorance really is bliss. By that I mean I do not want to be permanently scarred by hearing peoples horror stories while I am pregnant; about how your vagina tour into your asshole and how you shit on the table and your boyfriend had to wipe your ass. No, simply no do not tell me these horrific things because I already have a horrible fear of what I am about to experience. I am already scarred by the video you watch in high school where you see a live birth and the baby popping out of the vajayjay. Since I haven't seen that video since high school I thought I would watch one again to, "better educate myself" and thought maybe I could handle the live birth video better this time. I couldn't finish it and was hyperventilating half way through. Literally thinking of giving birth makes me bawl for hours. I'm freaking out. It's so bad I am considering having an elective c-section. I am so confused and wish that I could erase all the horrors story and things I didn't know could happen and just stuck with the simple, "birth is a beautiful thing" because shit and torn vaginas is not what I think of when I hear of beautiful things. Plus the thought of the epidural being a humungous needle in my back, and not being able to feel my lower half... I cry when I get my blood drawn, and I think that is supposed to be a tiny needle, if that says anything:|

I am so irritated. No matter how many tactics I try to overcome this fear, it's stuck. My advice to anyone looking to get pregnant in the future, is do not listen to others pregnant stories, but then again if you read this you should already be scarred to.

After hours of crying and researching how to overcome this fear, the solution I came up with is to ignore it til it happens, hopefully, out of sight, out of mind.

Also randomly, it annoys me how guys don't get how terrifying labor is, even though some women tell me to calm down too I give them a little more credibility since they have been through it. But guys don't have to do shit but wipe it and try to calm the mom down, which I already have a feeling nothing is going to calm me down anyways. Seriously why can't humans be like seahorses..

Realistically I am going to take a prenatal class to prepare me which I'll write about after I take it, and if that doesn't help I am going with my tactic of removing the L word from my vocabulary til it happens.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Guys just don't get it

“I've had to sacrifice my job, my body, my youth, my will never be the same,” –favorite quote from Knocked Up.

I am beyond irritated. Guys just don’t get it. Dear men of pregnant women, (or a certain man) while you drink a beer and do whatever the hell you please, I am busy being tired, hormonal, and carrying our baby. Sitting at home, not doing anything that I enjoy anymore, um because I can’t and you have no worries in the gawdamn world. I can’t do all the things I used to do, I sacrificed everything, like I said before; My education, my body, my youth.. And all I ask for is comfort and company.

Is that too hard? What have you had to give up?

Being 19 and pregnant is not fun and sure as hell lonely. I at least can’t wait until I have my baby to be with me but until then it’s a lot of bullshit to go through. Nonetheless this is the slowest pregnancy ever.

I wish guys were like sea horses and got knocked up so they could understand what it is like. For goodness sake 9ish months of feeling like you’re having your period every day of your life and then follows labor (AKA excruciating pain) for 12 and up hours???  Stretch Marks, f-ed up tits, and a vagina stretched the size of a fricken watermelon… your body is fucked. Seriously I wish men could understand this. So when I say I would like a massage because gravity is pulling my growing stomach to the ground, I would like a massage.

And while I sit and bitch about all my hormonal anger, I would like to say, I admire any single mom out there.

I feel better and I’ll leave off with one of my favorite quotes

“Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding,” Betty White.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Second Trimester!

Things are really starting to feel real now, there is even a little bump now! I am 15 weeks and 5 days now and although it seemed like the first trimester flew by, these past weeks have been slower than ever. I heard that the exhaustion was supposed to go away at this point, but I still find it impossible to wake up before 9.
Pregnant Betches Problem #1 : I was grocery shopping the other week and as I got in line, all of a sudden I felt lightheaded and certain I was going to pass out. I got burning hot and weak, I never felt this way before and it sure scared me. After sitting down for a while I began to feel more normal. As soon as I got home I went to the internet to see if this was common, and surprisingly a lot of other pregnant women had experienced this too. After seeing their doctors all the answers were low blood pressure. Low blood pressure can be caused by dehydration, and I realized that I hadn't drank practically anything at all that day. So warning to any summer prego women, drink lots of water! I haven't had this happen again, and I really don't want to.
Pregnant Betches Problem #2 : I cry an average of 5 times a day, whether it is happy tears, or sad. I feel like a hot mess. My boyfriend caught me crying last night and asked me what's wrong. The only thing I could come up with was I am pregnant and hormonal. I even cried watching the movie Bolt the other day!

Countdown and things to do: I realized I have one week left of my Summer vacation and then 5 months of being a full time student- going from 9am-7pm Tuesday through Saturday:|, and 6 months left until becoming a parent for the rest of my life. It's a short time for a lot of things. I am just glad that I have a plan, and am able to go to school and graduate with my esthetic and nail tech license all before my little nugget is born. Now that it is coming closer, I am getting scared that I will be able to do everything necessary in 6 months.
I am thankful to have my boyfriend and parents support during all of this change happening in my life, but I was surprised when I found that I have no one really besides that. Pregnancy brings out the truth in a lot of things, especially relationships.
Overall here are the second trimester symptoms:
Peeingg! A lot..
Baby bumps starting to finally show
Phenomenal boobs, but your belly goes out further so don't get excited!
Sleepless nights, sleep filled days
Emotional fits
A bottomless stomach & uncontrollable eating
Dehydration/low blood pressure

well this is everything that happened to me anyways...

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Baby Names

 People’s fates are simplified by their names. — Elias Canetti

Your name is one of the most important things that you have; it’s like your title, and who doesn’t judge a book by its title?  I was lucky enough to enjoy my name, the most ridicule I got for it was, “Hey Tia, where’s Tamera??” which got annoying.. but I still liked it, and I knew others were less fortunate.
 My boyfriend for example, has a girl name. When we are in public and he needs to give his name, he goes by Jay instead of Jade, it just cracks me up.  Celebrities have a knack for coming up with the most god awful names too; Pirate, Apple,  D’ Lila Star??? Really P Diddy..  That sounds like a stripper’s name!
So of course I want the perfect name for my baby, that they won't get made fun of for, or have a horrible nick-name growing up. I am just having trouble finding it. I have come across names that I like, but nothing that I loveee. I also don't want a name that is too boring or too common. It also doesn’t help that every name me or my boyfriend do like or come up with, one of us knew someone with that name- that was a betch, hoe, or premium doushe :| It is just so hard coming up with a name! Pregnant betches problems...

I also want the name I choose to have a nice meaning, for example my name means princess in greek- and of course that fits me…

So here is my list of names that weren't too boring or reminded me of a slore or a doushie;

Top 5 Tia Liked Girl Names:
1.       Kiara; Meaning: Clear, bright and famous in Latin and Italian> I am leaning towards this one.
2.       Melany; Meaning: Black in Greek. Like the name but the meaning would have no meaning.
3.       Kiana; has no meaning online…
4.       Keira: Meaning: Dark. My baby is going to be dark, but I don’t want their name to be that.
5.       Arianna: Meaning: Very holy one. I want my baby to be religious, but Jade and I haven’t gone to church for 11 months…

Top 5 Tia Liked Boy Names:
1.       Aiden: Meaning: Little Fire> I think that this is cute.
2.       Brayden; Meaning: Broad and Wide> ehh..
3.       Kayden; had no meaning online..
4.       Bentley; Meaning: Bent grass clearing??? I don’t know what this means..
5.       Kash;  Meaning: Money, profit> Everyone likes money right?
The meanings are what throw me off on these names, but those are the names I am thinking of as of now. I have 2 polls for boys and girls names so help me decide and know your favorites!

Pregnant Betches Thoughts

14 weeks! About to become a parent has got me thinking a lot about my relationship with my parents. How often I showed them that I appreciated them and how often I put them through hell. I heard that how bad you were as a kid; you’re going to get it 7 times worse…and I wasn’t the best of kids. You learn from how your parents raised you, what you want to do similar and what you want to do differently. Even though it is years away when my child hits the rebellious phase, I am curious on how I am going to raise my child and what values I want to bestow onto them without being a hypocrite. Now my parents were strict, but I always found a loop hole for sneaking out or lying, I feel like this is already going to make me a paranoid mom, knowing all the tricks and what not. I wonder if one day my baby boy or girl will be throwing parties while I am away or sneaking out in the middle of the night to go party; hiding their whole life from me like I did to my parents.

Although I would loveeee for a little mini me, I hope that they don’t turn out as disrespectful as I was. I had never really showed my parents how much I appreciated all they did for me growing up, and now I realize how much I should. My parents had always put me first, even though we didn’t have much, I always seemed to get what I wanted. Even now they are the only people I can fully count on.
What I hope to be is the mom, who is lenient until I have a reason not to be- then there will be bars on the window and their door will be removed! It will be funny disciplining because I had never been grounded! It is nerve-racking wondering how my baby is going to turn out; if they are going to be like me or their dad or completely different from us, if they are going to be a nerd like me or more athletic like their dad. Either way, I hope that I will be a good mom and karma won’t kick me in the butt!