Sunday, October 28, 2012

27 weeks

It is crazy how fast this pregnancy is going by. My time has ticked down to 13ish weeks left, simply crazy.

Now I thought pregnancy was bad before but little did I know I had not seen nothing yet. Here are the things that happened as I continued in pregnancy I didn't expect.

1. I got a hairy belly, and an outtie belly button.
2. I gained 30 lbs (That is what I am supposed to gain in my entire pregnancy)
3. My feet KILL me, I can't wear heels or even toms w/o horrible feet pain.
4. As the second trimester ends, exhaustion comes back bad.
5. My shirts became belly shirts
6. My boobs got stretch marks:( belly so far so good though.
7. pregnancy increases clumsiness
8. BABY KICKS LIKE CRAZY, when she kicks my stomach bounces, iloveit.
9. emotionalness continues.
10. I eat more than my boyfriend. seriously.

and the sad part is, I know it will only get worse...

Pregnancy is a wonderful thing though and I have been enjoying it. It's a fun part of my life even though it can be difficult. I love going out and buying her clothes and seeing her move on a ultrasound or just through my belly.

Next doctors appointment in a couple weeks-testing for diabetes. So now you know what to expect:D

if you don't want to make her a wife, then don't make her a mama

It is funny the questions you get asked when you are pregnant. It is like all manners go out the window when it comes to it and you will know this if you have been pregnant or when you get pregnant. Most common questions I get, How old are you? Are you still with the dad? Was it planned? Either way it's happening betches, dispite my age, relationship status, or if it was planned. These questions you will get, but I want to talk about the question,
Whose last name are you using?

Now if it is a random person asking I tell em', "my last name duh" with zero fuc***s and in response they give no fuc***s - like it should be. But when it comes to someone who knows the baby daddy then I get that look like mhhh...that's not right.

My response is, if I don't have your last name then the child that I am carrying for 9 months isn't either. I got this question from a girl who got pregnant with her high school sweet heart and like me, she wasn't married either but she decided to use his last name. They split, she has custody, the baby has his last name. Now that just doesn't roll with me. Now if the dad believes we will be together forever and wants to give me his last name, I am going to believe that too and all three of us can share that. Until then me and baby are one and you are on your own buddy.

Now I am lucky to have a boyfriend who understands this. In the beginning it was a heated debate but he understands my point and I am completely thankful that he respects it.

My point, fellas if you don't want to make her a wife, don't make her a mother.

Monday, September 17, 2012

21 weeks-Gender Time

First lesson taught to my baby, it's the ladylike thing to cross your legs;)
My baby girls toesies - Sept. 17 2012
Well the news is in, I am having a beautiful baby girl, whose already striking poses for the camera and crossing her legs. She is so perfect in every way. My lips, Jade's nose. To my prego women- always listen to your instinct and not others, I knew I was having a little lady from the start, mini me I can't wait to meet you and cheetah print and bedazzle you out...

Thursday, August 30, 2012


     At 18 weeks 4 days, my body is feeling awesome but is now looking very pregnant. I have gained 11 pounds so far, and it's now no secret that I am expecting. The past week I have also started cosmotology school so I can get my esthetic and nail tech lisence before my little nugget is born. And although I enjoy the program so far, I notice people have a lot to say about pregnant people here; Pregnant B*tches Problems*
     Apparently if you are under the age of 30 you should abort your kid if you get pregnant, or at least that's what I am getting by the way everyone talks about pregnant people around me. I am the youngest person in my cosmotology class, with people ranging from 21-37. Today someone brings up how people are getting pregnant younger and younger nowadays. My instructor decides to jump in with the comment,
      "You know it is so true... I got pregnant at 24 and I still think that's too young. If you haven't experienced the world, how are you supposed to teach it to your child. It is not fair to get pregnant so young."
        A girl joins in who is a mother and explains it is okay for her because she got pregnant at 28.
(By the way, everyone in class knows I am pregnant...)
So let me get this straight, while you place judgment on me about my age you are sitting in the same room as me, going to school for the same thing, but the only difference is, you're old... So how does that make me in a worse situation? I have met 30 year olds who act like 15 year old, actually 50 something year olds (my instuctor) who act like a child so I didn't know that your age is your maturity level, and that at nineteen I am not an adult.
     I can honestly say that this pregnancy is the best thing that has happend to me, I regret nothing. I have quit all my bad habits, stepped up to find an alternative career plan within weeks, and have been job hunting like a mad woman with 3 interviews in 3 weeks. So tell me that I am irresponsible. I don't live in the ghetto and I am not a crackhead sitting on welfare.
      It seems like people feel either bad, angry, or disgusted towards pregnant people, but in reality most people who feel that way, live sad lives themselves. And I am sorry you have to try to make me feel bad about my sitation, but trust me I already am a better mother than you if you feel so negatively about bringing a child in this world. I have nothing but joy and excitement towards my baby.

PS I love you my little nugget <3

Saturday, August 18, 2012


      I suffer from laborphobia, which I just made that word up but I am not sure how many people know the technical name tocophobia. Now what everyone and everything is saying is that I need to better educate myself on the process of birth so I know what to expect. Um, no in this case I realized that ignorance really is bliss. By that I mean I do not want to be permanently scarred by hearing peoples horror stories while I am pregnant; about how your vagina tour into your asshole and how you shit on the table and your boyfriend had to wipe your ass. No, simply no do not tell me these horrific things because I already have a horrible fear of what I am about to experience. I am already scarred by the video you watch in high school where you see a live birth and the baby popping out of the vajayjay. Since I haven't seen that video since high school I thought I would watch one again to, "better educate myself" and thought maybe I could handle the live birth video better this time. I couldn't finish it and was hyperventilating half way through. Literally thinking of giving birth makes me bawl for hours. I'm freaking out. It's so bad I am considering having an elective c-section. I am so confused and wish that I could erase all the horrors story and things I didn't know could happen and just stuck with the simple, "birth is a beautiful thing" because shit and torn vaginas is not what I think of when I hear of beautiful things. Plus the thought of the epidural being a humungous needle in my back, and not being able to feel my lower half... I cry when I get my blood drawn, and I think that is supposed to be a tiny needle, if that says anything:|

I am so irritated. No matter how many tactics I try to overcome this fear, it's stuck. My advice to anyone looking to get pregnant in the future, is do not listen to others pregnant stories, but then again if you read this you should already be scarred to.

After hours of crying and researching how to overcome this fear, the solution I came up with is to ignore it til it happens, hopefully, out of sight, out of mind.

Also randomly, it annoys me how guys don't get how terrifying labor is, even though some women tell me to calm down too I give them a little more credibility since they have been through it. But guys don't have to do shit but wipe it and try to calm the mom down, which I already have a feeling nothing is going to calm me down anyways. Seriously why can't humans be like seahorses..

Realistically I am going to take a prenatal class to prepare me which I'll write about after I take it, and if that doesn't help I am going with my tactic of removing the L word from my vocabulary til it happens.

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Guys just don't get it

“I've had to sacrifice my job, my body, my youth, my will never be the same,” –favorite quote from Knocked Up.

I am beyond irritated. Guys just don’t get it. Dear men of pregnant women, (or a certain man) while you drink a beer and do whatever the hell you please, I am busy being tired, hormonal, and carrying our baby. Sitting at home, not doing anything that I enjoy anymore, um because I can’t and you have no worries in the gawdamn world. I can’t do all the things I used to do, I sacrificed everything, like I said before; My education, my body, my youth.. And all I ask for is comfort and company.

Is that too hard? What have you had to give up?

Being 19 and pregnant is not fun and sure as hell lonely. I at least can’t wait until I have my baby to be with me but until then it’s a lot of bullshit to go through. Nonetheless this is the slowest pregnancy ever.

I wish guys were like sea horses and got knocked up so they could understand what it is like. For goodness sake 9ish months of feeling like you’re having your period every day of your life and then follows labor (AKA excruciating pain) for 12 and up hours???  Stretch Marks, f-ed up tits, and a vagina stretched the size of a fricken watermelon… your body is fucked. Seriously I wish men could understand this. So when I say I would like a massage because gravity is pulling my growing stomach to the ground, I would like a massage.

And while I sit and bitch about all my hormonal anger, I would like to say, I admire any single mom out there.

I feel better and I’ll leave off with one of my favorite quotes

“Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding,” Betty White.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Second Trimester!

Things are really starting to feel real now, there is even a little bump now! I am 15 weeks and 5 days now and although it seemed like the first trimester flew by, these past weeks have been slower than ever. I heard that the exhaustion was supposed to go away at this point, but I still find it impossible to wake up before 9.
Pregnant Betches Problem #1 : I was grocery shopping the other week and as I got in line, all of a sudden I felt lightheaded and certain I was going to pass out. I got burning hot and weak, I never felt this way before and it sure scared me. After sitting down for a while I began to feel more normal. As soon as I got home I went to the internet to see if this was common, and surprisingly a lot of other pregnant women had experienced this too. After seeing their doctors all the answers were low blood pressure. Low blood pressure can be caused by dehydration, and I realized that I hadn't drank practically anything at all that day. So warning to any summer prego women, drink lots of water! I haven't had this happen again, and I really don't want to.
Pregnant Betches Problem #2 : I cry an average of 5 times a day, whether it is happy tears, or sad. I feel like a hot mess. My boyfriend caught me crying last night and asked me what's wrong. The only thing I could come up with was I am pregnant and hormonal. I even cried watching the movie Bolt the other day!

Countdown and things to do: I realized I have one week left of my Summer vacation and then 5 months of being a full time student- going from 9am-7pm Tuesday through Saturday:|, and 6 months left until becoming a parent for the rest of my life. It's a short time for a lot of things. I am just glad that I have a plan, and am able to go to school and graduate with my esthetic and nail tech license all before my little nugget is born. Now that it is coming closer, I am getting scared that I will be able to do everything necessary in 6 months.
I am thankful to have my boyfriend and parents support during all of this change happening in my life, but I was surprised when I found that I have no one really besides that. Pregnancy brings out the truth in a lot of things, especially relationships.
Overall here are the second trimester symptoms:
Peeingg! A lot..
Baby bumps starting to finally show
Phenomenal boobs, but your belly goes out further so don't get excited!
Sleepless nights, sleep filled days
Emotional fits
A bottomless stomach & uncontrollable eating
Dehydration/low blood pressure

well this is everything that happened to me anyways...

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Baby Names

 People’s fates are simplified by their names. — Elias Canetti

Your name is one of the most important things that you have; it’s like your title, and who doesn’t judge a book by its title?  I was lucky enough to enjoy my name, the most ridicule I got for it was, “Hey Tia, where’s Tamera??” which got annoying.. but I still liked it, and I knew others were less fortunate.
 My boyfriend for example, has a girl name. When we are in public and he needs to give his name, he goes by Jay instead of Jade, it just cracks me up.  Celebrities have a knack for coming up with the most god awful names too; Pirate, Apple,  D’ Lila Star??? Really P Diddy..  That sounds like a stripper’s name!
So of course I want the perfect name for my baby, that they won't get made fun of for, or have a horrible nick-name growing up. I am just having trouble finding it. I have come across names that I like, but nothing that I loveee. I also don't want a name that is too boring or too common. It also doesn’t help that every name me or my boyfriend do like or come up with, one of us knew someone with that name- that was a betch, hoe, or premium doushe :| It is just so hard coming up with a name! Pregnant betches problems...

I also want the name I choose to have a nice meaning, for example my name means princess in greek- and of course that fits me…

So here is my list of names that weren't too boring or reminded me of a slore or a doushie;

Top 5 Tia Liked Girl Names:
1.       Kiara; Meaning: Clear, bright and famous in Latin and Italian> I am leaning towards this one.
2.       Melany; Meaning: Black in Greek. Like the name but the meaning would have no meaning.
3.       Kiana; has no meaning online…
4.       Keira: Meaning: Dark. My baby is going to be dark, but I don’t want their name to be that.
5.       Arianna: Meaning: Very holy one. I want my baby to be religious, but Jade and I haven’t gone to church for 11 months…

Top 5 Tia Liked Boy Names:
1.       Aiden: Meaning: Little Fire> I think that this is cute.
2.       Brayden; Meaning: Broad and Wide> ehh..
3.       Kayden; had no meaning online..
4.       Bentley; Meaning: Bent grass clearing??? I don’t know what this means..
5.       Kash;  Meaning: Money, profit> Everyone likes money right?
The meanings are what throw me off on these names, but those are the names I am thinking of as of now. I have 2 polls for boys and girls names so help me decide and know your favorites!

Pregnant Betches Thoughts

14 weeks! About to become a parent has got me thinking a lot about my relationship with my parents. How often I showed them that I appreciated them and how often I put them through hell. I heard that how bad you were as a kid; you’re going to get it 7 times worse…and I wasn’t the best of kids. You learn from how your parents raised you, what you want to do similar and what you want to do differently. Even though it is years away when my child hits the rebellious phase, I am curious on how I am going to raise my child and what values I want to bestow onto them without being a hypocrite. Now my parents were strict, but I always found a loop hole for sneaking out or lying, I feel like this is already going to make me a paranoid mom, knowing all the tricks and what not. I wonder if one day my baby boy or girl will be throwing parties while I am away or sneaking out in the middle of the night to go party; hiding their whole life from me like I did to my parents.

Although I would loveeee for a little mini me, I hope that they don’t turn out as disrespectful as I was. I had never really showed my parents how much I appreciated all they did for me growing up, and now I realize how much I should. My parents had always put me first, even though we didn’t have much, I always seemed to get what I wanted. Even now they are the only people I can fully count on.
What I hope to be is the mom, who is lenient until I have a reason not to be- then there will be bars on the window and their door will be removed! It will be funny disciplining because I had never been grounded! It is nerve-racking wondering how my baby is going to turn out; if they are going to be like me or their dad or completely different from us, if they are going to be a nerd like me or more athletic like their dad. Either way, I hope that I will be a good mom and karma won’t kick me in the butt!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

How my life has changed

Pregnant Brainstorming and Venting

           I used to always say I would never have kids, ever. I was always a me-me-me type of person doing whatever I wanted, when I wanted. I admit I was self-centered but now that I am 6 months away from bringing a new life into this world, I am far from that and instead, entirely stressed. It’s like a mother’s instinct to want the best for your child, and seeing as I am taking a year off of school now, I am stuck wondering what I am going to do to be financially capable of raising my child. I read that mothers have a nesting instinct and that they will stress out that everything is perfect for their child before they are born, that is what I am going through right now.

 Initially I had wanted to get into the journalism field whether writing or broadcasting, which is why I chose the University of Oregon, there program is amazing. But now I am wondering if going to school for three more years is the right choice, I want income; now. That is why I have recently been considering an esthetician program, a 7 month program in which I will become a licensed esthetician and ready for employment. I need a job, any job that is over minimum wage to feel confident that I am going to be okay to raise a family in this economy. An esthetician’s average wage is around 15 dollars but can move up to 20, which I am honestly content with at this time; the problem is my family does not approve of my altered plan. They believe that the best way is to get a degree and then a career, which was my original plan, but now I realize that my whole way of doing things must change. A bachelor’s degree now is becoming equivalent to a high school diploma anyhow, just because you have one does not mean you’re guaranteed a job. Then again substituting a bachelor’s degree from a university, instead with a license from a cosmetology school is risky too. There are so many chances that I could take, but I am worried that I might choose the wrong one.      Changing my dream is one thing that has changed, but I still do not regret anything, I just need to know that I will be able to give him/her a strong independent mom that can give them the world. Here is the start of my struggle and I know that in the end, everything is going to work out. I know that I have time but it would be a lot easier if I was already prepared for this, but I guess life is never really easy. PBP.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

First Trimester!

I actually had a dream that I was pregnant before buying a pregnancy test the next day. I honestly never imagined actually seeing 2 lines on that test. I didn't wait and made an ultrasound appointment that week. To me, the dream was the first sign on how amazing pregnancy is, I feel as if my baby was telling me to knock off all my horrible habits. For the last 3 years I paid no attention to my own health smoking daily and drinking often so I was glad to have that intuition to get a test. I was 5 weeks pregnant but at the time I had not known that, I assumed I was at 7 or 8 weeks. At the appointment, there was no embryo present, not even a yolk sac. My doctor told me that I had a high chance of miscarriage within the next week and how I should prepare for that. One of the most irritating things about doctors is how everything they say; good news, or bad, sounds like they could care less anyhow. I cried the whole ride home. The following week I spent every day in bed, waiting, crying some more and goog-ling as many things I could to relate to what I was going through. The week past and I did not miscarry. I did self-diagnose myself with a blighted ovum and tried to prepare myself to not see anything going in.
 My boyfriend was nervous; he had grown more and more excited on being a dad. Surprisingly that day, I saw my little my baby and heard his heartbeat; I was in shock. The heartbeat is the first sign of reality, that there is another life inside me, that this is real. So at this point my baby just kept continuing to amaze me.
 So that was the beginning of my pregnancy, as if I was not already emotional enough raging with hormones I had a false diagnosis of an abnormal pregnancy. Now here I am at 12 weeks 3 days with a healthy perfect little baby. I had my second ultrasound this week on exactly 12 weeks. this time instead of just seeing a little peanut shape I actually saw my baby's feet legs and tiny button nose. He was doing flips, headstands, and rolling over. I couldn't tell if he was having fun or was that uncomfortable. At this point looking up at s/he I was about to cry again, I had never cried before because I was so happy. I created this baby, and I am already so in love with them. This was the point where it definitely made all of the horrible things worth it, and there are a lot of horrible things that come along with pregnancy.... it was the point where I realized that everything I was giving up, was worth it.
Okay the horrible things that come along with pregnancy. Honestly if I didn't know I was pregnant I would think I was dying. One, I do not look pregnant right now, just fat. I honestly want to wear a shirt saying, “I am not fat just pregnant.”
Two, during most of my first trimester, I did not get off my couch. The exhaustion for me was one of the worst things especially since I was not drinking any more Redbulls or caffeine (my other addiction) I think I went through some caffeine withdrawals. Thirdly, the nausea, I don't know if it was lucky for me, but I did not puke at all so far, but my body sure as hell wanted to. The nausea would get worse if I was not constantly eating! And then it was a cycle of nauseous because I am hungry, but then I can't eat because I am nauseous.
Now lastly I had a few things I really wanted to vent about, people who go on and on about how disgusting teen moms are. I am nineteen and pregnant and so sick of hearing judgmental comments toward teen moms when a person doesn’t even understand half of the things you have to do differently and sacrifice as soon as you find out you are going to be a mom. Becoming pregnant is a result of ones careless actions but a mother who keeps there child owns up to their decision which is admirable in my eyes. I was surprised at how many people had told me that I should get an abortion or they would or had got an abortion. I honestly do not care what someone chooses to do, it is just my own personal belief that, I got myself into this and I am not going to take an innocent life because of my actions. I mainly ask that if I do not judge you or push opinions upon you, please do the same. I actually know someone who got an abortion at seventeen and as soon as she found out that I am pregnant and keeping it, started posting degrading statuses toward teen moms and gloating on how she does not have a child through Facebook posts. Abortion must be a hard thing to go through, but I just don't understand how you can act like you never had a kid and look down upon others for making a different decision than you. Now I just got done with my first year at the University of Oregon with a full tuition scholarship. Sadly my sister even tries to make me feel bad and say no one thought that you would get pregnant, you were supposed to be the smart one in the family and made it to college...
 Even though it feels like I'm dying, I'm not. I am postponing my education to be closer to my family and boyfriend which is the most important thing right now. My intelligence and ambition will not go away, if anything I am only more motivated to be successful FOR my child. Becoming pregnant early is harder than when you’re older. You struggle, you have to figure out how to make ends meet and are forced to grow up right then and there, but I know that my child is worth it. People frown upon teen pregnancy, but any mom out there right now does not deserve to be looked down upon for doing the hardest job in the world. In making judgments upon others that only shows more ignorance and immaturity.